Don’t tell anyone, but I’m getting really excited about returning to study. You know what I’ve been thinking about? All those freaks at school.
My school was like a vortex for strange beings. I’m still amazed that we never got a visit from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I’m almost certain most of my class escaped a wormhole situated somewhere nearby the school. Pity none of them looked like Angel.
Here a some examples of the specimens that entertained us during our education:
Doug: Curly haired red-head whom we decided to sing happy birthday to everyday for 6 years. People would be yell out “Happy Birthday Doug!!!”. Every. Single. Day. The poor little ginger ninja now lays in foetal position under the table every time it’s his actual birthday, somewhat resembling shell-shock as soon any singing begins… Currently employed by McDonald’s to entertain at all Children’s Birthday Parties. Doesn’t even need his own wig, fanta pants.
Lewis: Sci-fi geek commonly recognised by the large holographic ‘H’ posted to his forehead and occasional cape. Apparently his idol was a character from Red Dwarf named Rimmer. The name says it all. Provided re-enactments of Red Dwarf sketches outside the canteen whilst we waited for sausage rolls. Never understood what the fuck he was on about, but watching a large-sized male in a cape jumping all over the place(character swapping) was priceless. And Lewis’ big fuck you to the world? He married a smokin’ hot female. Apparently chicks dig capes.
NB: I had to google “Strange H on forehead man” to find out what the character’s name was and guess what?! There is a whole forum dedicated to people who want their own Rimmer forehead H’s. Many hours spent giggling at comments such as ” You can use foam sheets, as long as you’re not allergic” and “I have one that’s made from holographic craft foil, it got lot of comments at a recent swap meet” and “I made mine from mirrored acrylic on the laser cutter at work” and ” I made “You’ve been H’d kits” to take on a catfishing holiday in Spain”. Who the fuck are you people?? Moving on pleeease.
Karl:Baby hit me one more time! When you hear that do you imagine a slightly overweight, pimply high school boy in lycra performing highly limber, choreographed moves? I do. Karl was our School President, and hysterical Britney fan.We were lucky to view many performances over the years, sending us into a lycra and sparkle-induced frenzy. Some facts: He was not gay *cough*. He wanted to study politics and one day be Prime Minister of Australia. *cough* (This says A LOT about politicians, I’ve kept a video of his rendition of ‘Oops! I did it again’ to sell to New Idea) Karl is now President of the Official Britney Fan Club of Australia *oh dear*
Ok, so I’m not a bully. Really! I embraced these people because it was these freakoids that made up the rich tapestry of our little twilight zone. I may not have learnt much about Arithmetic but I most definitely how to traumatise redheads, who the hell Rimmer is, and just how most politicians become Prime Ministers. Plus without those weirdos, I would have lost hope that Buffy was gonna have to come to school and kick some demons ass’.
See? We all have a little nerd inside us.
Oh like a nerd on a wire,
Like a drunk in a midnight choir,
I have tried in my way to be free
Bird Nerd on a wire – Leonard Cohen