When it’s comes time to leave my corporate office surroundings, I shall miss the environment I take for granted everyday.
I’ll miss the fluro lighting that provides a daily tanning session complete with extra lashings of Vitamin A. Who needs sunlight when you have 500 watts glaring on you? It’s like being on a sunny tropical beach. Or stuck in a nuclear plant. One colleague actually wears sunglasses at his desk, he’s a pretty cool dude.
I shall miss the song of the office. The constant ringing of phones, typing of keyboards, the printer spitting out 10,000 trees a day, the coffee machine producing enough caffeine to be deemed a drughouse, the occasional whimpering from stoked-to-be-here employees. It’s nearly as lovely as Michael Buble. NB Ocassionally I hear a faint BANG in the distance. I am still undecided on whether this is one of my esteemed colleagues parting with the world, or someone’s brain accidentally exploding.
I will most certainly feel amiss without 400 emails a day, every single email containing highly confidential, red-hot, FBI-like data. For your information my trusty little colleagues, I am so thrilled that you feel I need to be FYI’d on everything. FYI, keep them coming, and don’t forget to CC every single member of management you can think. Even on the nudie ones.
But most importantly, I will miss you, my little 2×2 area. With your cute vomit blue felt-lined walls, decked for a queen. Your walls are just tall enough to block me from the world, ensuring I am never distracted from my work with nuisances such as human life and oxygen. You are my home away from home. Actually, I spend more time here than at my real home. What an endearing thought.
Sigh. I really will miss this place.