Money for nothing and chicks for free

11 Mar

Dire Straits’ song “Money for Nothing” was #1 for 3 weeks straight in the US. Mark Knopfler wrote the song whilst overhearing a bunch of delivery men in a New York department store complaining about their jobs. Hence, the constant references throughout the song to whitegoods. Bloody good song. Nothing to do with this post whatsoever, but still a great song. And I do want MTV.

Since most of my time will be taken up at Uni in a few months, I must admit, I’ve been trying to think outside-the-square for some quick moula-making ideas.

Possiblities include:

Selling of Kidneys

I recieved an email yesterday warning about scandalous medical students running all over town stealing people’s kidneys. Perhaps I can strike a deal with them in regards to some consensual organ donating and earn some cash.

Plus avoid waking up in an icebath, confused.

Egg Donating

Apparently this is illegal in Australia, however I’m sure there’s plenty of those scandalous med students running around town selling black-market embyros. The average female has around 400,000 eggs before the age of thirty… and these puppies sell for up to $15,000 US each.

I’m sitting on a gold-mine.

Clinical Trials

Getting paid to take drugs where the side effects are unknown and may or may not include nausea, loss of hearing, numbness, amnesia, homicidal impluses, rapid loss of mental clarity, constipation, liver damage, kidney failure, diarrhea????

Sign me up.

Working from home

Why didn’t anyone tell me about this earlier? I always thought they were scams. But a certain website promises that you will earn a wage of at least 6 figures in your first year, and all you have to do is data-enter. Who am I entering this data for? The mob? And where am I entering it? Well for 6 figures , who cares…

I’ve left the best until last. A PA job that sounded too good for words, but so good I thought it at least warranted an enquiry – just in case…

To whom it may concern,

I am writing in regard to your advertisement for a personal assistant.

Can you please advise what hours/compensation you are proposing?

Kind regards,

Naive Idiot

Hi Naive Idiot,

Thanks or the reply…..this is not a traditional PA position. It is essentially a taking care of my needs when I’m in Melb on business and as you may or may not have guessed, it can involve intimacy πŸ™‚ I know its not for everyone, so apologise in advance for wasting your time. I sort of tried to indicate that in the ad….it is more like a ‘friends-with-benefits’ arrangement than a job per se. If you have the right mindset, it can be quite a respectful and discreet way of having some fun and making life a bit easier for both parties.

Let me how it sits with you and we can take it from there. Send me a newsy email about you if interested….a pic will be appreciated but not essential. I get some really weird replies…..from russia and the US, mostly spam I think, so please be as ‘local’ as possible and let me know how this might suit your situation.

Cheers,

Seedy Sexual Pervert

I only have two comments on this ‘job opportunity’. Firstly, he most definitely did not indicate any of this in the advertisement. It was a straight, forward Experienced PA Required job ad (experienced alright).

And secondly, friends-with-benefits earn a LOT of money these days. So much in fact, that certain people are not led to resort to parting with items such a internal organs, fertile eggs, and their general well-being. Plus he realllly isn’t married, he swore to god. Amen for dirty old perves.

Ha! Gotcha. I’m not a ho.

Promise.

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9 Responses to “Money for nothing and chicks for free”

  1. LCS March 11, 2010 at 3:47 am #

    OMG–thank you for visiting me because I got to end up HERE, and here is hysterical! Re: Money for Nothing–the summer that song was so popular, my sister & I worked for my dad when he had his own law firm, doing lame filing and dictaphone tasks. When we asked him how much he would pay us he just said, “Chicks for free.” Please keep coming back & I will do the same!

    • dreamlivedream March 11, 2010 at 11:51 pm #

      Ha! Sounds like my job now, LCS….

      Will keep visiting for sure πŸ™‚

  2. dawnieslife March 12, 2010 at 4:23 am #

    This blog entry made me laugh. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it, especially since I am currently unemployed and I find similar money making schemes and scams, etc all over the place while searching for work!

  3. Hugh McElhenny March 13, 2010 at 8:56 pm #

    Super-Duper site! I am loving it!! Will come back again – taking you feeds also, Thanks.

  4. pienbiscuits March 15, 2010 at 4:05 pm #

    I was going to suggest the work from home option until I got to the end… oh dear. It was a funny post, though. I’d be interested to see where this goes next and if you manage to find temp employment that enables you to keep your body parts.

    • dreamlivedream March 16, 2010 at 4:54 am #

      thanks pie! did you manage to get tix for olympics?

  5. Grielsvervize March 21, 2010 at 5:40 am #

    i honestly enjoy all your posting kind, very charming,
    don’t quit and keep writing seeing that it just simply worth to look through it,
    excited to look into more of your own article content, enjoy your day!

  6. Grielsvervize March 27, 2010 at 2:10 am #

    i actually adore your writing choice, very useful.
    don’t give up and also keep posting in all honesty , because it simply very well worth to look through it.
    excited to find out much more of your posts, stunning day πŸ™‚

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